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Taking the first step towards therapy is always the hardest. That begins with the decision to go to therapy, which is a personal and thoughtful choice for which you owe no one an explanation. After deciding to go to therapy, the logistics can be intimidating, but you can do this.

Insurance

One of the most important things to consider when beginning therapy is the healthcare system and your own coverage. Talking to your primary care physician is always a good option, as they might have suggestions for mental health care covered by your insurance. Another option to consider is telehealth. There are several online therapy providers, such as Betterhelp, which are striving to provide affordable care in a strictly digital setting.

Choosing the right therapist for you

Finding the right therapist can involve researching psychologists who specialize in certain areas or diagnoses. In addition to specialties and qualifications, the right therapist for you can be a matter of personality and comfort levels. If you are going to need someone who can keep up with and even laugh at your sarcastic humor surrounding your experiences or trauma, you can find a therapist with a sense of humor, maybe one who can also provide you reality checks here and there. Finally, the right therapist for your situation may also depend on your racial or ethnic background, and it may be important for you to find someone who understands and or empathizes well with your culture.

Intake questions

The first appointment with a mental health care provider is often filled with many questions about family history, your background, and what brought you to choose therapy. One question I have been asked in a few first appointments with a new therapist is, “have you experienced trauma, or what were your experiences of trauma in your life?” If you don’t know, or there is simply too much to unpack there all at once, don’t be afraid to answer with an “I’m not sure,” or “I don’t think I’m ready to answer that yet.” Take your time, and this leads me to our next dilemma:

“we are human beings, not cans of worms”

on Opening up

Opening up: where do I even start?

Opening up to anyone, especially to a stranger, is a brave and sometimes terrifying choice. To me, opening up immediately brings to mind the phrase “opening that can of worms.” Firstly, I want to remind myself and my readers that we are human beings, not cans of worms. There is no rulebook for the speed or method you choose to talk about your mental health and trauma, so really you can start wherever you would like. Here are some ideas to get you started on getting started.

• *Bring notes! If writing helps you, write out some ideas before you arrive at the appointment
• In the last week, I have felt…..
• My first memories of my home/family include….
• I feel most (and/or least) myself when….
• Some big changes in my life have been….

*A friend of mine even made an organized powerpoint to present to her therapist, complete with color coding and background slides on main characters in her life. If it helps you think it through and present it, this could be a wonderful and sort of fun way to express some initial information to your therapist. If not a powerpoint, a couple notecards could do the trick.

I wrote this letter to myself on my first day blogging, to remind me why I started this journey. As you read, I encourage you to think about what you might write to your younger self. If you are feeling up for it, write those thoughts down.

Dear me,

You can’t save them all, but you are doing a beautiful job caring for the people around you. Now it is time to save yourself, to grow, and to fall in love with that person you are becoming. Really fall in love, and accept all the parts of you that you can’t change. Wear sunscreen, especially on your scars. When you get hurt, like all those sprained ankles you will get and gymnastics injuries you will have, please for the love of all things good just let it heal. You have nothing to prove to others or yourself about your strength. I know you are strong, but stay soft. Ice the hurt instead of running on it and pretending nothing is wrong. Do the same for your mental health. Take breaks, nurture your mind and body instead of punishing them.

Soak it all in when your Papa tells you about your Italian family, about what it means to be a Roberto. Remember what his face looks like, because someday when you look in the mirror at your gorgeous Roberto nose, you might not see why it is so beautiful. Picture him traveling across the Atlantic Ocean with Nonna and Uncle Tony, ready to start a new life, his face pointed out to his new home, smelling the salty air. He and Nonna gave everything he had for your genetic make up today.

It’s okay that you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up right now. All you know is you want to grow up to be kind, and happy, and make the world around you a better place. You will, and that middle school math class is not going to stand in the way.

You will get out of your little town, and travel the world, and live in cities you have not yet seen. So for now, walk to the lake, spend time with your neighbors, and appreciate that everybody knows everybody in the little white church downtown.

Give so very many hugs, and never ever be the first one to let go of the people you love. Also, did I mention the sunscreen yet?

Love,

Me

In my junior year of high school, my class advisor sent my entire class an email every Monday entitled “Monday Motivation.” This particular Monday, she was reviewing the idea of “good enough” goals, in which you should be getting something done amid business and stress, because that victory is better than doing nothing at all that day. After she explained goals such as going for a walk instead of shooting for a complicated workout, or writing 100 words to get a start on a much longer article, she ended the email with the following words:

You are all good. And enough.

That period is one small dot, simply separating one sentence from another. And yet, I have thought about that specific period every single day for the past three years. Brene Brown often makes the distinction between human doing and human being. I am a human being, and I am both good and enough, even when I am not checking off goals. When I mean to write an entire paper draft today and all I get done is two paragraphs, I am not reduced to the worth of those two paragraphs. I’m not even reduced to the worth of completing the whole paper. I was already good and enough before I sat down to work on the assignment, and I will continue to be good and enough when the assignment is done.

This truth does not negate my accomplishments or efforts. It encourages a world in which the worth of a human being is not determined by their grades, their work, their appearance, or anything others have to say about them. That is the kind of world I want to live in.

PS: Her name is Mrs. Kris, and you can read more of her work on PBS or through the LifeCompass Institute.

These accounts, from both Tik Tok and Instagram, help me to mindfully consume social media and protect my well-being. For each one you follow, I suggest unfollowing or muting one account that might not benefit your mental health.

1. @jqwellinart on Tik Tok describes her painting as “art celebrating emotion,” and it does just that. I love to watch her paint because she can make me cry with just a few brush strokes, and she makes me feel loved and understood by the women she depicts in her paintings.
2. @jennapalek on Tik Tok has created her niche with the hashtag “fun on weekdays”, which is basically exactly as it sounds. She inspires me one day at a time not to live for the weekends but to make each day count and find joy on random Tuesday nights.
3. @iam.mirandaa on Tik Tok is working on becoming “that girl” by investing in herself, taking a break from notifications, and helping to motivate others along with her own journey.
4. @remibader on Tik Tok is a not only a real, honest creator with no time for bullshit, but also one of the most inspiring, body positive women on the internet. Her niche is “realistic hauls” of clothing from all different brands, and she is open about the fit and sizing of each brand’s clothing on her body. Not to mention, she’s simply hilarious.
5. @plantkween on Instagram is a beautiful gardener creating joy through plants. They represent and empower the Black queer community, and I encourage you all to not only amplify Black voices by following accounts like theirs, but also to try nurturing some plants (and yourself) along the way.
6. @thoughtsmayvarypod on Instagram, otherwise known as the IGTV show Should We Talk About It? discusses mental health with guests from various backgrounds and perspectives. The page and the show is real, challenging, and fun!
7. @brenebrown on Instagram is probably my favorite creator of writing, digital content, and research in the world. I cannot recommend enough that you read her books, listen to her podcast, and watch her TED talk on vulnerability. While her Instagram is mostly announcements about other work, exploring one or many of those announcements might give you an opportunity to change your life.
8. My final recommendation is this: follow the people closest to you, and only those you truly want to see succeed with all of your heart. I am not saying you should shut out the rest of the world, but remember that the people we see on social media whom we do not know in reality are characters. Those people you only see post once a month have bad days too; they are not always on vacation, they cry and sweat and eat late night snacks just like you. So, follow your best friends, and comment how happy you are for them, and then reach out to them in real life and be there for all of the messy, ugly stuff too.